Sunday, July 24, 2005


i never liked the searing, burning pain of a paper cutter blade... i sliced across three fingers on my left hand while cutting mounting boards back in art college and it hurt like hell... i pulled the blade across the mounting boards a bit too fast, the damn blade jumped the side and slid across the smooth top surface of the steel ruler... it raced across the hand that was holding down the ruler before i could lift them away from the path of oncoming doom... cutting right through to the bone, three distinct layers - skin, fat and flesh staring at me like a fresh cut of meat at the deli, before a torrent of dark red oozed, no gushed out a few seconds later... i stood rooted and stared... enthralled, in a biological sense, by the stratas of the skin... i mean how often do you get to see all three real life layers? i mean the closest we got was illustrated charts in biology textbooks... i flexed my fingers and they moved, good... i didn't sever any nerves... and off the top of my head, i doubt that there's any important nerves running across the bony top part of the fingers anyways... so there and then, i had to take off my Helmet's "Betty" t-shirt and wrap it around my fingers while my classmates ran around like headless chickens *laughs*

i had people cut me, i had people cut because of me but i've never cut myself... i hate the pain of cutting, not something i can say i would enjoy... i hated the nagging throb, the light headedness and the detached mental-aural feeling where everything is there but it's like you're displaced a few feet away... hence i can never pretend to understand the need of dragging a gillette razor across the wrist... i deal with my problems with ink and piercings... mine is true to that old adage: every piece of ink, every piercing on me is a marker for important/fucked up/happy/sad events in my life... every "whoosh" of the needle through my flesh every and buzz of the tattoo gun on my skin hammers the memories indelibly into my psyche... you need to be pierced with a piercing needle to know that split second wait-rush, that "whooshing" of surgical steel through flesh... none of that stupid sungei wang plastic cap piercing gun shit... you need to be tattooed to know that soothing, hypnotic buzz of the tattoo gun and the high from the slow release of endorphins after the ink settles...

so when i found out a friend of mine did a razorbladelove, i felt somewhat surprised and sad... i should've seen it coming and i should've trusted my gut feelings that told me you're crashing... the "i'm happy"s didn't sound too genuine... the "i'm okay"s snagged at the back of your throat for a split second before coming out of your mouth... and at one point during our chat over the phone, i caught her sobbing once but she quickly sugar-glazed over it with a laugh... warning bells were ringing but still our chat ended rather hastily because my phone battery died on me... i got home, texted you good night and slept on it... we were lucky to have friends that look out for you and know that you're riding that downward spiral... and they got to you in time...

this girl, I like her… but i like her not in a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of way… but from me to her, a very strong brother-sister-kindred spirit way... i am compelled to care what happens to her and get worried when it does... and she has tons of people that cares for her, especially him. So you sillybear, never doubt him…

babe, don't you do dare a razorbledelove again, ever... don't be selfish and deprive me of a beautiful little sister like you... *smiles and hugs tight*

Track Of The Day: Slipknot - Purity


Blogger Primrose said...

Ughh! *palms over the eyes, peeping through fingers* I can't stand the sight of blood these days. Not cuts, no! Ughh! I hope your 3 fingers will stop hurting soon...XX

Ouch! I'm imagining the needles. Hated the doc the last time I had my medical check because he couldn't find my running vein and had to draw blood from the wrist vein. Do you know how much that HURTS?

*shy little cutesy smile* Can I be another little sister?


11:00 PM  
Blogger Chienne said...

i hated the nagging throb, the light headedness and the detached mental-aural feeling where everything is there but it's like you're displaced a few feet away...

those were the things i loved about it... i'm sorry for worrying you and practically everyone who cares.

thank you bro.


10:46 AM  
Blogger Chienne said...

i sliced across three fingers on my left hand while cutting mounting boards back in art college and it hurt like hell...

uh primrose.. i think his fingers are long healed. heh.

7:00 PM  
Blogger devoid said...

I can't decide which is worse...slicing my arms up or having the doc push a tube down my throat to get my stomach pumped.

Hope your friend feels better soon.

10:19 PM  
Blogger seth.frostheart said...

frances: oh blood's fine by me, it has this nice, deep, ruby red ribena color to it :P i just don't like the act of cutting, be cut or someone cutting because of me.. bleh...

well, that doctor of yours is a dumbass i'd say... not saying piercing and tattooing won't hurt tho. it does depends on your level of pain-tolerance i guess...

mmm, let me think about your last offer... i have a stringent list of dos and donts that you need to adhere to before you can become my lil sis... *laughs*

irene: ergh.. gimme ink and needles anyday... (>__<)

sillybear u *hug tights* ;)

oh hush you... don't be mean *cover irene's mouth* kalo awak kena pukul si tau saya bah!!! :P

10:26 PM  
Blogger seth.frostheart said...

sam: both equally sucks? though for the sake of a morbid argument... i think OD-ing is a good way to go... at least you go pretty... and in one piece, heheheh...

oh she's better... if she doesn't, i'm gonna smack the shit out of her if she does that again!!!

*throws irene a sideway glance*

10:30 PM  
Blogger Primrose said...

chienne: Chey! Ya hor..."back in art college" konon. Chey!

Seth: Ee, I can get sugar-high on ribena.

Yes, dumbass doc. The bruise lasted for 2 weeks! And when I went back to get my med report and showed him the bruise, he asked "Eh, how come like that one?" Dumbass.

*gulp* ...stringent list... *gulp*...adhere to...*blink blink* Wah, I scared scared already.

10:36 PM  
Blogger Chienne said...

awwww.. i'm so scared. cheh. you wont dare smack me, i'm too schweet. LOL.

anyway ink and needles don't provide the same kinda instantaneous high lah.

eh. what stringent list of dos and dont did i pass anyway? heh heh. aside from being emotionally dysfunct.

devoid: i can honestly tell you that the stomach-pumping shit is worse. urgh. horrible. and you wake up the next day to see the tubing filled with your stomach acids, which for your information is a bright yellow colour. *disgusted*

like seth says, it's a pretty nice way to go though. you just go all sleepy... and delirious... and you more or less drift off to oblivion. heh.

oops. i'm being morbid again. *sneaks a peek at seth*

6:46 AM  
Blogger seth.frostheart said...

frances: sugar-high on ribena? you weakling!!~ wonder what a lil bit of vodka in the ribena will do to you then? hrmmm... *ebil grins*

lol, just kidding about the list :D

irene: cos' we are both equally gloomy, morbid and dysfunktional as fark mah! muahahaha, kindred spirits eh? *laughs*

ooo btw, i told mel about you... come kl quick!~ i can't wait to throw u both in a room... *winks*

12:25 PM  
Blogger Primrose said...

Vodka in ribena, eh? That was exactly what I had when I last visited Kuching:

Me: Mmmm, yummm, there's nothing in there. So where's the vodka? Where? So sweeeeettt! Mmmmm!

Friend: I wish we have more girls like you in Kuching. Do you want more?

Me: Yes, please *hics* Oops!

1:40 PM  
Blogger devoid said...

Both of them in a room. Hmmmmm ;)

chienne: Why is the tubing still there in the morning!! You wake up and it's still in your throat!? Gahhhh.

Yup OD seems to be the best way, although I have these fantasies of going out in some glorious car/train crash haha.

11:38 PM  
Blogger Chienne said...

devoid: god knows why! and taking it out was actually much worse than putting it in because at the point of time when it was inserted i was half gone... but they took it out when i was perfectly sober.

11:28 AM  
Blogger devoid said...

The bastards.. I bet they do it on purpose.

5:26 AM  
Blogger Fubuki said...

mounting boards, steel ruler and a cutter was never a good combination. I've had my fingers cut by the ruler a couple of times, good thing it wasn't the cutter. phew.

sometimes even the innocent mahjong paper can cut through the fingers.

7:42 PM  
Blogger seth.frostheart said...

frances: you can't drink? OMG you shouldn't tell me that frances... who knows what my ebil side might cook up with some vodka ribena when ur around :P

sam: mmm yes sam.. both of them in a room.. *dreams* :D

sam+irene: woi woi... sibeh morbid you both, can click so well talking about OD and stomach pumping... lucky i'm just as morbid so it's fine, haha. hrm, maybe i should throw you three in a room... OMFG, fantasy come true!~ i wonder if i can find more to throw in as well? :P

fubes: heck, no shit dude... that part of art school.. i don't want to relive... but i guess its a course hazard... evey art student has their run-ins with the mounting board-steel ruler-cutter combo, heh...

1:45 AM  
Blogger devoid said...

Haha long as you're outside the room!

4:39 AM  
Blogger seth.frostheart said...

y'know Sam, this is so sad... having tons of hot bisexual gfs, hooking em up AND have to stay outside the room... *mutter grumble*


12:24 PM  
Blogger Chienne said...

uh.. beh sai? LOL.

5:28 PM  

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