and he says: silence tells a cruel lie

this room fills my imaginary vision full of wonderful cravings. has the want of the populous render me impaitent in chasing after you? have i now resort to blaming others instead of myself for this predicament? i wish i could say, but my cowardice-modesty prevents me the act of savouring our then growing lovelustdesire...

truthfully, in entertaining these tumultic thoughts of mine, the core essence of my sins stems deep in the acknowledgement of only one mortal soul. to look in her direction, deep into her eyes triggers the virus that eats at my longing heart, but it pains me much to be so stilled and frozen in my own fear-filled world...

would you consider being a part of my life? would i want you to be? oh, for all that is to be desired and longed for, i do. until secretly, a play of constructed reality plays joyfully in my mind, on loop. how blissful it is to hold the rains and control my mind's storms, a wish for her to walk down the parted sun-filled path i have designed, straight into my life...

sadly, as i write this, the realization to act upon making my dreams a reality has surpassed it's sell-by-date. i guess i backed my time too cautiously at the risk of tearing my curiosity and amazement of you apart. i held my peace too long that war now stands at my side and holds firm my heart. the battle is my own, for you have chosen to exclude me in your life. though i still wait by your life's entrance, the door has already closed and bolted from within. can i be forgiven for hoping? for wanting to be sure of you? for wanting you? no, i chose to doubt you, and play around you like butterflies would around wild blooms. so these are my own machinations... my own self-punishment; to care so deeply for you that prophecies plague me, both in my dreams and my wake...



love thy self-inflicted pain, embrace thy own paranoia, have thee not learnt that silence tells a cruel lie?