sweet young thing

i'm bad at relationships, no really, i am... i'm too frivolous with my feelings, too careless with my heart, i'm too nice to girls to the point that i give a wrong impression... and i take that wrong impression and feed from it like a vampire... that superultraaddictive emotionalsugarhigh from lovelustadoration... maybe i'm born in the wrong country, where a touch like this could totally fly off tangent and mean that... or a hug and kiss could mean more than a hug and kiss... i'm affectionate, i'm physical, i'm touchy-feely... i'm sorry if my hands roam but i like the feel of female skin, curves and warmth on my palms... i like looking into eyes, as like really looking into them and not just a fleeting glance... and if i feel comfortable with you, i sit real close and i bump shoulders and thighs with you... i would even lean in to steal a breath from you or absent-mindedly arc my head and catch a whiff of your scent from your neck and hair... i'm sensual like that...

you could say i messed up an eight year relationship because of the above but i still think that's a 50-50 thing... from a dying relationship, i went into gamble with a promise that we would work things out regardless... unfortunately, i have lost the gamble, been given up, discarded and forgotten... i'm still sore at her for disappearing without a reason... and i'm still waiting for a why... hey you, no matter it takes how long, i still want a why from you...

so lately, a very young SYT felt that i was a good emotional investment and i dived head first into it because i miss the emotional and physical closeness... i could tell her i'm not (a good emotional investment) but she already knows that, she could be considered an old friend... one of those this pedobear has known for quite a few years and she knows me very well indeed... she knows my pre-occupation with a why from e. and she knows i could and most possibly would run to e. if she comes back... so one night, when i shared my bed with her, i did everything to her but i stopped short of doing the full horizontal lambada because i know she's still a girl... wouldn't be fair for me to take when i can't promise a certainty... i wouldn't want to either, it just didn't feel... for a lack of a better word... right... and as big as my lust is, common-sense kicked in at the right time...

an immensely applaudable control of willpower dropkicksuzy said with a pat on my back and a genuinely impressed smile... loads of guys would've just went for it and not look back she added with a as-a-matter of fact look on her face... yea, i said but i just stopped, our breaths and hearts racing against each others bodies... i looked into her eyes and i told her not yet... we can wait right? and she looked at me, smiled with the most trusting look in her eyes and nodded slowly while hugging me... and at that moment, i know i've won her over...



conversation while having a drink with some inkandsteeldemons:

[Damien] you've been with so many hot girls seth and i dare say your taste and quality had dropped a few levels with this one... tak cantik lah beb, biasa aje... what's wrong with the rest of the other girls that you have?


well, i guess being recently 30 really kicked my emotional maturity notch up a few levels... i do not crave for looks like i used to... don't get me wrong, heck i still like looking at beautiful things, i still want to be around them, i still want them all over me and i still crave their company, sometimes... but that's just it... no more, no less... i guess i've grown up? *laughs* she might not be a hot babe or a looker like the rest but i do sincerely like her... y'know if i was really looking for a permanent fixture in my life, i'd definitely get a plain-jane instead of a hot babe... someone totally gwai gwai lui type to contrast the ink and pierced me *grins* ...and maybe i am starting to look for one... [!!!]


[Widya] chinese girl? i thought you don't like chinese... so unlike you lah... u know, kan ada Reena? she likes you... *cheeky smiles*

my time with Reena is over... we both missed the bus and no matter how much we like each other, it's hard to recapture that moment we shared, so that part of my/our life will remain in the past... well again, there's that mis-conception that i like only non-chinese girls... just because i've never dated a chinese girl ever since highschool *roll eyes* i like chinese girls, i really do... it's just that i haven't really found one that i like... but i wouldn't deny the fact that if given two choices, a non-chinese asian would be my pick... providing i like them both equally... i've have had two relationships that could've ended pretty nicely with marriage but it's that age old hurdle of converting that got in the way... oh well, that's in the past...

and by my experience... they're 8 outta 10, have better bodies, are much more fun to be with and definitely better in bed *coughs* yes.. i'm lusty like that... please shoot me :P

i know Irene would kill me for that last statement... hur hur hur!~


[Aleena] she's so young, can she take care of you?

i don't know but one thing i know is that don't want to be looked after... i'm racing around, doing what i'm doing to secure a better future and i don't have time to stop and be fawned over... but i wouldn't mind doting on someone though... i like being the all-protective father figure... the big kor kor... the shoulder... the sometimesfriendsometimeslover... in actual fact i've always doted on all the girls around me... i have too many 'sis'... and most of them are standing in the grey area of a relationship with me because of my too nice attitude... most are quite hot... most are quite single and yes, sometimes i do bloody regret it! *winks and laughs*


[Aleena] she's so young, it's gonna be a hell lot of work you.

regardless of age difference, relationships has always been a helluva rollercoaster ride for two but i guess that what it is... a working towards a definite one goal by two people... a compromise from both sides to make the journey a little better... maybe she's younger and she needs to learn... and i don't mind compromising and teaching...

i guess my main gripe is with her studies, i don't get to see her much and with particularly her unimates, coursemates and the 20,000 co-curicular activites she doing sucking up all of her non-lecture non-tutorial time leaving me with, if i'm lucky, barely a day in a week to see her... and for the love of god, she even has a nutcase, super jealous, bf-less chemlab coursemate-partner who coming between me and her... wtf?! *mutter grumble* SOMEONE GET HER FREAKING PARTNER A DILDO PLEASE!!~

and she's your typical young, flirty and playful girl... it's hard for me to not be jealous... she's my "territory" after all *laughs* she gets a lot of attention but i feel that she deserves to have fun, just like me *winks* hey, a relationship should be fair... everybody should have some flirting fun and if she's interested in someone else, that's all cool by me... just as long as there's a safety line drawn somewhere, that's fine... at least i know she's emotionally healthy and not psychoticly obbsessive, lol!~ :P

but seriously baby, please just slot me in sometimes... your old man here misses you already while writing this! *laughs*


lately after having one-on-one talks with dropkicksuzy, mel, jenny and aleena (yes.. all girls :P) i think i'm willing to do an emotional investment in this SYT... i wouldn't say i'd promise her a lot with the all the uncertainties... but we're taking things rather slowly and it seems to be going in the right direction at the moment... hell, she's got a pretty firm grip on my heart with her sincerity and utmost trust in me... tell me how can i betray that?





Track Of The Day: Air - Cherry Blossom Girl