mer de noms: tasha

Recollecting Tasha...

Natasha Binti Mohamed Irwan Abdullah could be considered the first malay girl that I was totally smitten with. For the next two year, she would be the girl that sat in front of me in class. On the first day of secondary one, everybody had to do the stand up and introduce yourself speech. So I looked on as everybody did their introductions and tried really hard to remember the names to match their faces. Then it was Tasha's turn to introduce herself. She did this perky hop and smile before introducing herself and that got the whole class laughing, including the teacher. Needless to say, she made a very good first impression with her personality. My turn came next and Tasha turned around in her seat, propped her chin on her forearm, on the back rest of the chair and looked at me with the prettiest of light brown eyes this young chinese boy has ever seen, ever. It was Instant attraction and I paused for a split second, she smiled at me and at that current point in time, if she asked for it, I would've gladly gave a piece of my heart to her there and then...

Coming from a national ed school, malay girls were nothing new to me. I've never put much thought into them... because they are, well, icky girls as well. Just like the chinese girls. And now in high school, girls were still somewhat icky but I'm starting to see them in a new light ever since the Ling incident. Malay girls to me were like something you always knew is there but you never gave much notice to them. And when I did notice Tasha, it went kablam right in my cheena face with the force of a knockout punch from a heavyweight boxer. Here she was, all packed into a 5-feet tall dynamite cutie... her chocolate milk skin tone... her big, light brown eyes... her naturally long, beautiful eyelashes... her wavy, long hair... her absolutely overwhelming in a exhilarating way spunk and positive energy... and most of all, I adore that half laugh-smile that she makes... that particular one that make her eye go all squinty and she would be covering her mouth with her hands and kick her feet in joy....

And she did put all this energy into good use. She was in the school team for netball and she played hockey on the side was well. I still remember seeing her for the first time in class, wearing that white polo top and white skirt. She made my heart and those of the other guys in the class skipped a few million beats that day and I think that sly girl knew it. I for one, was never much of a sports person. I did do volleyball for the school though I'm usually the unofficial bench warmer/occasional ball setter. I didn't complain. More time for my books and sketching I guess, since technically I was more a geek than a jock anyways. So I spent most of my time sketching back then, and sketch well I did. I wasn't good at drawing people so I would be sketching mostly the sceneries. And even if I did attempt to draw people, they would just be quick strokes. We did most of our school training in the late evening or during the weekends. And so during our between training breaks, Tasha would come look for me and we would chat a bit or eat/drink together. She absolutely adored my sketches and most of time, she would look around, searching before pointing out things for me to sketch. So she would be there, waiting patiently next to me, leaning with her face oh-so-close next to my ears. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my cheeks. I could smell the shampoo that she uses. All those things that made my heart race a little bit faster. When it's done, I would show it to her. And her reaction would range from awe, with her mouth wide open... to her adorable laugh-smile... and to a comical sticking her tongue out action if it's lousy. In actual fact, her reactions matters not to me, for I would gladly draw anything for her if she stays a little bit longer next to me...

So it was during the year end for secondary two when she suddenly announced to the class that she's moving state. You see, her father was goverment officer, the transfer offered a better pay check and perks. So naturally he took it. I took the news calmly, though I felt like a sun has just went supernova in my body. My relationship with her was pretty much in a gray area. That alwaysfriends and occasionallovers gray zone that I have such a knack for, right up until now. I do not blame her, nor do I blame myself. For our feelings were never spoken and love was never exchanged. In actual fact, her over-friendliness with me could just be that because she is a very friendly girl by nature. I could be wrong because she's friendlier to me than others, or so I feel. So we exchanged numbers and mailing addresses and promised to keep in touch and sealed it with a quick hug. But unfortunately like all young people with equally young and inexperienced hearts, what is undying devotion, what is "rindu" and what is "sayang", when things changes... comes and goes in our lives quicker than we can cope with. So we lost touch after a little less than a year or so, the consistent letters became sporadic and it stopped coming a little before SRP examinations.

So this is for Tasha, recollecting you... the first malay girl that stole my heart...





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