Sunday, September 12, 2004

safety or love?

My mom's wonderful. She sat by the bed edge and talked to me, and its been to long since I've spoken to her.

"I like 'e.' She's well-mannered and talkative.. See, even your dad likes her.. He hasn't spoken to any of the girls you brought home before this.. and in that short 1 hour, he was so freaking talkative, its scary!"

I laughed and smiled at my mom, "Yes, I like her too... and she likes me as well. Unfortunately circumstances deem to pull us away, into opposite poles"

She said the final choice is mine but most people choose safety over love anyways. Is like my mom is trying to justify what I did was correct, but heck... its sure as well no bloody working. As my mom spoke, I lay here in the indentation that she left on my bed... I put my face on the nook where her head laid. The Boggle set, strewn on the bed... Her handwriting like it was yesterday, on pieces of paper... "Tap, Pat, Quay, Reign..." Her half drunk water bottle on the table beside my bed. I don't expect for her to but my heart aches for her to understand. But what is there to understand when I chose safety over love. To be safe, stuck in a loveless marriage knowing that the other party will love you regardless... or to follow your heart, follow love to UK... wait for her for 5 years... but yet, the final destination is still unknown or even if we both will make it there in one piece. I guess that's what I'm afraid of... But I'm still choosing cos' I think being safe is just not what I was looking for after all...

...and it hurts to talk to you and do not feel the love for me in your voice anymore...

Track Of The Day: Mew - Comforting Sounds


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