Thursday, November 18, 2004

A royal love story

So yea.. I got an SMS from her a few days back, before eid...

"Quick be happy for me, I'm getting married... and you're invited :)"

Oh don't get me wrong, I am happy for her but sometimes I wish she wouldn't get married(or rather, anyone that I'm attached to physically and emotionally.. yes, I'm selfish like that) and we could just be like we used to back then... good friends, sometimes lovers... But reality is never as easy as you want it to be ain't it? It's harder to sustain a relationship with her, especially when she's royalty... I used to call her my Tuan Puteri when I first met her, just because she is... A princess of the royal family from my "kampung", a Bandar DiRaja. She was just like any other normal girl... well normal in the sense that royalty did not ooze in obnoxious amounts from her pores. No aloofness, no high and mighty I'm-above-you-peasants attitudes. She was friendly and always smiling from the word go.

My... well... friendship with her was surreal... we floated in the limbo that people would call between being good friends and sometimes lovers. That wide expanse of gray that overlaps in both directions but draws a really thin line between us. We would acknowledge each other's adoration with equal if not more attention, and vice versa... ad infinitum. We got each other matching lava lamps for our own bachelor/bachelorette pads.. bought RM100++ water guns and proceeded to drench each other down to our underwears... piggy back rides on/by each other... buying 2 of every muffins available and overdosing on them... spending hours basking in each other company, just talking and smoking on the rooftops... walking the night beaches... throwing each other adoring looks but pretend to look away if the other party catches us staring... We were lovers like that... though not to the world, but we were almost...

And I was called stupid by a girlfriend(who used to work with us back then) when she said she wanted to leave to be a stewardess. When in actual fact, she left because of me... because her heart does not allow her stay around a guy that refuses to move their relationship forward. Like all guys, I was as dense as a ten ton steel block, staying put... emotionless... oblivious as fuck. Sometimes, I wish girls would be straightforward because I am as obtuse as... well a guy. But it doesn't work that way ain't it? It's always about mind games... *sighs*

It didn't help that religion got in our... well, my way. I so wanted to be with her, and it didn't help that I have an utter weakness for malay girls... and I'll do almost anything to be with one. Seriously, I'm not against converting... BUT I am against forced conversion. I could live even without her converting to my religion... we could because love is not about religion which in turn should not be about forcing or drawing boundaries right? Sometimes, I wish we could just run away somewhere and live just as we are and not let little things like this bother us but she could never shirk her royal tag... especially not in favour for a nobody like me. So here I am.. typing back an SMS to her... congratulating and wishing her all the best and reminiscing the good old days.. wondering if she ever think back and see me standing here, with these good memories... Do you miss me O? Cos' I sure as hell miss you today, more than ever... cos' you've just moved one more unattainable step away from me, forever...



"Goodbye to the sky... I know I can’t fly but I feel love... Do you know how I feel... You are my achilles heel..."

Track Of The Day: Toploader - Achilles Heel

6 Comments:

Blogger Saffron said...

You always wonder about the one that got away, yes? Or, in your case, the ones that got away.

9:22 PM  
Blogger cyber-red said...

I asked my bf once..'If I had to go, would you come for me?'

He said he might not as I should have the freedom to explore and I might get someone else better. But, it wasn't the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted him to come for me.

Maybe you should have been honest with the girl, Seth?

11:22 PM  
Blogger devoid said...

Religion is never an issue until you think about marriage. I doubt I'll ever convert to any religion, yet sometimes, most times, I'd want to do it just to grow old with him, because everything fits so nicely you know? Almost everything.

Maybe this is bad karma, my past anti-sentiments are coming back to haunt me.

*sprays anti-melancholy mist around*

1:04 AM  
Blogger Nhar said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:30 AM  
Blogger Nhar said...

OMG, you're **(removed as requested by someone)! Get a wife!

1:32 AM  
Blogger ejl said...

it's worse when it's not that either of you have changed, but merely moved off (or stayed still) in opposite directions, cos then everything that was right is still right, except the world around you two keeps on revolving without any chance of it stopping or rewinding back to when it was.

alcohol and longing at 4.30am is not a very good mix when there's an empty space on the double bed with an extra set of bed things just waiting for a hollow in a specific shape and size to be made. they forgot to let go of my ankle when dipping me in the magickal waters of the Styx - there's a name burnt into my skin and right through my bones.

12:32 PM  

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