Thursday, December 09, 2004


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To be truly alone...

1X tripod
1X 3.2 mp digicam
1X rainy evening by the sea
1X lonely self
1/2hr on photoshop

"Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away... But something in our minds will always stay..."

Track Of The Day: Sting - Fragile

familiar senses

It's funny coming back around to a place you thought you've already left behind. The familiarity of the smell, sight, feel and sound... The bed is still by the wall... with that familiar light blue Ikea bed sheet and dark blue Ikea comforter/pillows... Next to the bed is the standing cabinet with all my gashapons and anime dolls in it, which are now her property... The Sony 21 inch TV and Hifi set on the low table against the opposite wall... The VCDs, DVDs and music CDs hapharzardly stacked and strewn around a standing CD rack next to it... The plastic beads, tassle and streamers over the room door and toilet door... The lava lamp by the window... The lacey white curtain billowing in the breeze...

I got a SMS from her: "Heya... How have you been? I didn't wanna bother you at first but can you help feed the cat? Cos' I'll be back in Sabah for a week or so... and my bros and sis are coming along too... A family gathering ^^ So no one will be in KL? Would you mind? I know you won't.. *grins*"

So I said yes and came back to familiarity. It was not too long ago, this was my home for 5 years. Coming back is strangely comforting to my soul and it was made even better cos' the cat remembers me and came running to my car as I drove onto the porch. *smiles*

And so I spent a a week alone... in a room... in a bed... that was so familiar, yet so alien now... But I slept like I never slept before as the texture and scent lulled me into a comfortable dreamless slumber...

"kaerenai kaerezu ni muguchina ai shizuka ni shizuka ni karameau futari.."

Track Of The Day: Dir En Grey - Yokan

my no show at a royal wedding

Her wedding was last saturday afternoon.. but I didnt go. Too far, all the way in Ipoh... busy, with work and deadlines... nothing to wear, because it's a stately, prim and proper affair... All convenient excuses. I doubt I or anyone could muster enough courage to drag themselves to a wedding of someone they still think dearly about. And I'm not about to do a Bollywood scene and whisk away the bride into my waiting car and elope with her to God knows where. Not in front of royalties and high ranking guests.

So I think I'll just sit here in front of the computer on this Saturday evening, type this out and have Utada Hikaru's Final Distance on loop sans infinity...

Memories of her with me are good enough I guess... cos' that's all this coward is left with when he refused to make a commitment.... maybe I should've answered that one particular SMS she sent me, which I choosed to ignore... and things could be so very different now... Too many ifs and maybes...

"Aetai noni ienai nami ni osarete, Mata sukoshi tooku naru..."

Track Of The Day: Utada Hikaru - Final Distance